separation is a road we travel backwards

from separation is a road we travel backwards by other people

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about

i wrote this track to score a video i made to perform as part of the oakland launch for laurel braitman's book animal madness (animalmadness.com/dog-parade/): vimeo.com/107538330.

here's backstory for the vid:

i moved to the bay area from savannah georgia five years ago, but my brother just moved here about a year ago and had to leave his dog herbie with our parents and their dog, also in georgia (and also a shih tzu -- they're all shih tzus!). so the plan was for me to fly home while miles (my brother) hustled to stay here, then pick up my friend sarah and drive back across the country with herbie. but by the time i'd saved up enough money to fund this operation, nine months had passed, so miles and herbie hadn't seen each other in more than 9 months, and the longest they'd ever been apart before that was only 9 days. so it was our mission to reunite them, and with that in mind we drove across the country in 50 hours, stopping only for gas, food, and a brief trip to the grand canyon (a first for all three of us). the video captures me, sarah, and herbie just off the highway, meeting up with miles, who was just off from work.

lyrics

the speed of the modern world, uneven without you

the road to you after time
no longer a road to you , me

the world got louder
when we stopped talking

*

something must be woven, or toyed with, or expected, it is not up to us but what we put ourselves in front of—behind. i always felt like I was walking beside you. that you were walking beside me.

*

we deceive ourselves by design and in fact spend most of what we might consider introspection or longing simply staring into space while our brains readjust to whatever we would rather believe and then work backwards.

*

returning to the question of public performance
how it changes us
from intentions born in the quiet
rage of isolation, or joy, or boredom
how it creates a necessary space
between what is and what also is
it is not just
what it could be
or what it has been
or what you think about it now

I can
and feel
I am supposed to

live between us

all night at the club
at the reading
or the dog parade or whatever

your projecting yourself
choosing not to
imagined and real
where we find
how we want
to be
as part
of the world

*

if being separated from a loved one is a real loss that diminishes
if the loss is only realized in embrace
if the loss is only conquered in embrace